The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
We're all about helping create a healthy, positive, and spiritually positive environment for church staff members and leadership teams.
The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
The Dark Side of Church Positivity No One Talks About
Your relentless positivity might be hurting your church team more than it's helping them. When positivity becomes a requirement rather than a byproduct of church health, it creates pressure for staff to hide negative emotions like grief, disappointment, and burnout.
• Toxic positivity often arises when leaders use positivity as a shield to protect themselves from uncomfortable truths
• Brushing off concerns with phrases like "God's got this" or "let's just be grateful" can make staff feel unseen and unheard
• Scripture never avoids lament, so church leaders shouldn't either
• There's a huge difference between hope (acknowledging reality while trusting God) and hype (denying reality and labeling it faith)
• Create space for both celebration and confession in your team culture
• Try phrases like "it's okay to be honest here" or "let's walk through this together" instead of dismissing concerns
• Model vulnerability from the top by admitting when you're struggling
• Normalize real emotions in meetings and staff evaluations
• Your staff doesn't need perfect leadership—they need honest leadership
If you're navigating a tricky church staff situation or want to build a healthier team, reach out to me at podcast@chemistrystaffing.com. We're here to help you build a healthy team that can become a healthy church.
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Okay, this is going to be a good one. What if I told you that your relentless positivity might actually be hurting your team more than helping? Okay, I know that seems like an absurd thing to say, but think about it. What if your best intentions are keeping your staff from being honest, from healing or maybe even from staying? Let's talk about the dangerous undercurrent of toxic positivity Toxic positivity in church leadership, and why facing reality might be the most spiritual thing you can do today. Hi there, thanks for joining me.
Speaker 1:My name is Todd Rhodes, I'm one of the co-founders over at chemistrystaffingcom and you're listening to the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. All right, so let's unpack this a little bit. I'm being a little contrarian today. Those who know me might say that I'm contrarian every day. Maybe not, I don't know. But let's talk about today what I would consider maybe a hidden problem. And we're talking about what did I call it? Extreme toxic positivity, toxic positivity? Okay, here's the truth, right? We all want to be in a positive church culture. Matter of fact, I talk with people just about every day that are like Todd. The church that I am a part of is so toxic we would kill sometimes for a place that's got a really positive church culture. But when positivity becomes a requirement instead of a byproduct of real church health, it can create some pressure to hide anything that feels negative, like grief or disappointment, burnout not allowed. Okay, that pressure can breed emotional dishonesty.
Speaker 1:I was reading a Forbes piece. I'll try and share the link as well. Author Tracy Lawrence writes about what she calls I kind of stole it from her, I will admit toxic positivity, that it often arises when leaders use positivity as a shield. Okay, now, think about this, think about this as a shield. Okay, protecting themselves from uncomfortable truths. So what does that look like? Okay, in ministry, this might look like brushing off maybe some staff concerns with God's got this, or maybe silencing critique with let's just be grateful. But scripture never avoids lament, right? So why do we so? Sometimes toxic positivity when you're positive just to be positive, or you start throwing out cliches hey, god's got this, let's just be grateful. That might be a problem, okay. Number two the damage can be done and we'll talk about what it costs your team. So toxic positivity doesn't just annoy your staff, it can alienate them.
Speaker 1:Okay, so when pastors and church staff ignore the hard stuff and everybody around you knows that things aren't going well. Everybody knows you that. Everybody around you knows that this is a hard path you're on, but you keep pushing for smiles Everything's great, everything's good, god's got this. Staff can feel unseen and unheard and invalidated and over time, this is going to lead to just disengagement, emotional disengagement, even spiritual disengagement, and over time, it can lead to staff burnout. Okay, team members feel like they have to imitate the everything is rosy, everything is peachy, everything is good, god's got this. But we can't, as church leaders, we can't afford to just stay in that kind of cultural rot. It's a slow leak that eventually will sink the ship.
Speaker 1:Okay, so what can we do about this? Right? How do we combat this? Honest encouragement is always better than forced positivity. Okay, there's a huge difference between hope and hype. Okay, a huge difference between hope and hype. Hope acknowledges the reality and still trusts God. Hype denies the reality and puts it off on faith.
Speaker 1:Okay, as church leaders, what we have to do? We have to create space for both celebration and confession and instead of pushing these positive vibes, only positive vibes all the time. Here are some things. Here are some phrases that you can maybe work into your vocabulary If you're a person that kind of leans more toward I'm always going to be the positive person in the room, Okay. So maybe introduce some phrases like this it's okay to be honest here, okay. Or maybe something like you're not alone, we're not alone. Other people have faced this and have gotten through this, and we can too. But we understand we're in a bit of a season here. Maybe try something like let's walk through this together. That sounds a lot more reasonable and a lot more kind of centered than saying, oh, this isn't a big deal, nope, no problems here, nothing to see here, right, this shift. It not only invites spiritual maturity, but it helps push away that emotional suppression that you'll get if you're just always doing that positivity thing, even when everybody around you knows that things aren't really going well, okay.
Speaker 1:And then, lastly, what I want to talk about is how do you create a culture of emotional honesty and this is where I think it gets really practical, okay. So if you want to kill toxic positivity in your church and again, your church might not be dealing with this, right, this might not be your problem, right? You might have other problems. Positivity is not one of them, okay. But what if it is? How do you deal with this. How do you create a culture of emotional honesty rather than this toxicness, this toxic positivity? Okay, start by modeling that vulnerability right from the very top. And if you're struggling, man, rather than just saying the positive thing that you would normally say, just admit that you're struggling a little bit. If you're struggling, say it. If something hurts, name it. No harm, no foul. Normalize that real emotion in meetings and staff evaluations.
Speaker 1:Here's some other steps, action steps that you can take. You can even take some of these today or this week. Ask open-ended questions in one-on-ones, celebrate the small wins, share lessons from failure and train your team in emotional intelligence and maybe you need to train yourself on this as well, but train your team in how to do healthy feedback loops as well, because when authenticity becomes a value, health will almost always follow. Matter of fact, it will follow. Okay. So here's my bottom line.
Speaker 1:Here's my final thought for today. Your staff doesn't need perfect leadership. They need honest leadership. Okay, that kind of feels like Jesus, not just a motivational speaker. Okay, so how you doing? Do you have tendencies to Always be positive? Some might almost say that you're positive when you shouldn't be positive. Maybe it's a toxic positivity. Maybe you need to take some of these steps today to bring things back into alignment, to be authentic, to be vulnerable in your leadership. This will really help you and your staff as you seek to be a healthy church, a church that can be used by God to do some really great things, and it's a way to really keep your staff not only healthy but also keep your staff period. Just keep them.
Speaker 1:Okay, I hope this has resonated with you, so give it a like, drop a comment, drop me an email. Podcast at chemistrystaffingcom. I'd love to hear your comments on this as well. And hey, if you're navigating some kind of tricky church staff situation or just want to build a healthier team, reach out to me. I'd love to talk to you and see if there's any way that we might be able to work together. We're for you at Chemistry Staffing and we want to come alongside you and help you to build a healthy team that can turn into a healthy church that does really healthy things, turns a lot of people toward Jesus in your community. All right, thanks so much for listening. Hope you have a great day. We're here back again tomorrow on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. I'm Todd Rhodes. Have a great day you.
