The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
We're all about helping create a healthy, positive, and spiritually positive environment for church staff members and leadership teams.
The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
Ministry Friendships vs. Professional Boundaries
In this episode of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast, Todd Rhoades explores the complexities of blending friendship with professional relationships in church settings. While building friendships with team members is natural, maintaining professional boundaries is essential for genuine relationships. Rhoades suggests a 'both-and' approach to balance personal and professional interactions, emphasizing clarity in expectations and separating friendship from work responsibilities. He encourages healthy communication to prevent blurred lines and protect relationships.• Church work involves close personal interactions, making friendships common.• Professional boundaries enable authentic relationships.• Blurred lines between friendship and work can complicate team dynamics.• 'Both-and' approach: balance caring with professional clarity.• Set office hours for personal conversations and clarify roles.• Clear boundaries ensure safety and authenticity in relationships.• Challenge: Identify and clarify blurry relationships on your team.
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Your ship pastor just texted you about their married problem. Again, it's 11 o'clock at night on a Tuesday, and don't get me wrong, you genuinely care about them as a friend. But tomorrow, you have to give them feedback on Sunday service. And you're realizing that this friendship is getting kinda complicated. It happens all the time. Does it sound familiar? We're going to talk about it today, right here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Hi there, my name's Todd Rhodes. I'm your host for the podcast, also one of the co-founders. I hope you'll check out my work and our work over at chemistrystaffing.com. We're going to call this episode the Ministry Slash Friendship Trap. Church work is different because we're doing, we're not just working together, we're doing life together, right? We're sharing the same mission, often spending more time with each other than sometimes even with our own families. And friendship just feels natural, expected, even. But here's what I think not enough people are talking about. Professional boundaries aren't the enemy of authentic relationships. They're what make authentic relationships possible. Let me repeat that because I think it's worth repeating. Professional boundaries, those boundaries that you put into effect at work, aren't the enemy of your friendship or your authentic relationship. They're actually what makes those authentic relationships possible. But most of us, over our ministry career, have learned this the hard way. Because sometimes, honestly, and you probably have this happen, sometimes it just goes sideways. You hire somebody you that you maybe you hire somebody that you're already close with, and now you feel like I can't really give them honest feedback because it might hurt our friendship. Happens all the time. Or maybe your youth pastor starts treating you like their therapist, and you've got your pre professional responsibilities here, but you also they're your friend. So what do you do? I'm uh sometimes team meetings become personal vetting sessions. Sometimes someone gets promoted and suddenly the whole group dynamic shifts both professionally and personally. People start taking their work decisions really personally, and that friendship becomes leverage sometimes or possibility that friendship becomes leverage in those professional conversations is real. And oh my goodness, have you ever heard this? I thought we were friends. I thought we were friends becomes the response to professional accountability. Now listen, listen. Wanting authentic relationships with your team is not wrong, but friendship without boundaries, it's just not authentic. It's messy. So what I'm going to propose to you is I'm a both and guys. It's a both and approach. And here's what that looks like, okay? You can do both and. You can care deeply about people and at the same time maintain professional clarity. So what does that look like? Set some office hours for personal conversations. Hey, I want to hear this. Can we grab coffee this weekend? Create separate space for friendship and feedback. Be clear about which hat you're wearing. Because if you don't, and sometimes you just have to clarify, okay, are we having a professional conversation, a ministry conversation here? Are we having a personal conversation? Because I just need to know what hat I'm wearing here. Okay. And sometimes you just have to call it out. Hey, right now, right now, hey, you're my friend, but right now I'm speaking to you as your supervisor. Right now I'm speaking to you as your professional colleague, not as your friend. Here's what I would do as your professional colleague, not as your friend. Sometimes you just need to establish those team norms about personal sharing in work settings and don't let friendship override accountability. That's where you're going to get in trouble. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is just to come out and be really clear about expectations and address those boundary violations quickly and gently. Say something like, hey, I care about you, but I also need us to keep our conversations focused. Okay? Here's the reality of it. When boundaries are clear, people actually feel safer being authentic. They know where they stand professionally and they can choose what to share personally. And if they and they don't have to wonder if their friendship will protect them from the consequences or if the consequences will cost them their friendship or their job. So here's the bottom line for this both and strategy. The strongest ministry friendships are built on the foundation of clear professional boundaries and not in spite of them. So here's your challenge, okay? If this is something that has bitten you in the butt a few times, this week, here's your challenge. I want you to identify one relationship on your team that's gotten a little bit blurry, okay? Schedule a conversation and just start to clarify those expectations, not to damage the friendship, but to protect it. Healthy teams can be authentic teams. You just have to be intentional about both. I hope this has been helpful for you today. I'd love to hear any questions you might have, any pushback, any criticism. It'd be nice, but I'd always love to hear from you. You can always email me podcast at chemistry staffing.com. And if there's any way that I can help your church with staffing and areas of transition for 2026, I would love for you to reach out and let's start a conversation, see if that might make sense. All right, podcast at chemistry staffing and dot com, and we will be right back here again tomorrow.
