The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
We're all about helping create a healthy, positive, and spiritually positive environment for church staff members and leadership teams.
The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
How to Tell When It’s Time to Fire a ‘Nice’ Person
Church leaders often struggle with releasing staff members who are kind and beloved but ineffective in their roles. This common dilemma creates "the nice trap" where emotional attachment overrides objective evaluation and ultimately harms your church's mission.
• Nice gets confused with necessary in church environments
• Kindness without competence leads to organizational dysfunction
• Warning signs include frequent apologies, confused volunteers, and lack of results
• The "fruit test" helps evaluate if someone is producing ministry results
• Releasing someone from the wrong role is actually "freeing their future"
• Approach difficult conversations with compassion plus clarity equals courage
• Before releasing someone, have honest conversations, offer coaching, document issues, and seek outside counsel
• Don't let niceness become an idol that blocks your church's mission
If you're working through a difficult staffing situation and would like help, reach out directly to me at podcast@chemistrystafffing.com.
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What do you do when a staff member is kind and faithful and beloved, but completely wrong for their will? Today we're going to be honest, we're going to be practical in this episode of the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. I honestly expect that I'm going to get some feedback on this. Some are going to say, yes, todd, you're right on. Others are going to say I totally disagree with you. But we're going to explore this topic about how church leaders can discern when it's time to release somebody who's just the nicest person in the world, but they're just not working out. Okay. So let's get started today. Let me rephrase it like this what if the biggest obstacle to your church's health is somebody that's really nice, that's on your staff, but they're just not in the right role? Maybe it's somebody that's come to your mind already they're friendly, they're loyal, the one. Maybe it's somebody that's come to your mind already. They're friendly, they're loyal, they never cause any drama but, man, they're just not effective or they're just not aligned, or they're just not growing. This episode is for you if you're wrestling with that gut-wrenching question. Can I really, can I, fire somebody who's just so nice? Stick around. We're going to talk about this because making the wrong call here can really cost your team pretty dearly.
Speaker 1:All right, so first let's talk about what I call the nice trap and why it's so hard to let go. Too often in the church world, nice gets confused with necessary. We let emotional support and emotional attachment override objective evaluation. Let's be honest nobody wants to be that pastor who fires the most likable person on the staff. Nobody wants to be that guy or gal. But here's the danger Kindness without competence leads to dysfunction. Let me say that again Kindness without competence leads to dysfunction. Church isn't just family, it's mission, and every person on staff is either helping or they're hurting that mission. So maybe there are some red flags that you're starting to notice hidden behind the scene, hidden behind a smile.
Speaker 1:Sometimes a team member's personality hides real performance problems because they're just so dang nice. But maybe they're being nice, but they're constantly dropping balls masked by apologies. Maybe the team that works around them just tries to keep the peace with them. Maybe their volunteers are confused. Maybe they feel disempowered or disengaged under their leadership. And if you find yourself saying, yeah, I know all that, todd, but they're so nice, I just like them. Sometimes it's not even nice. Sometimes they're a longtime friend, maybe they're a college roommate, maybe they're a family member and they're nice and you like them, you love them, but they're just not working out. But if you find yourself saying they're just so nice more than you're saying they're really effective, that could be a clue.
Speaker 1:Another way is what I call the fruit test. Are they bearing real ministry results? Jesus said that we would know people by their fruit, not their friendliness. So ask is this person producing the kind of fruit that their role demands? Are they trusted? Are they effective? Are people growing under their leadership? And if you ask those questions and the answer is consistently no, not really.
Speaker 1:It's not unkind to move on. Matter of fact, it's stewardship. I remember hearing Andy Stanley this has been years ago saying he didn't like to say he had to fire somebody. The phrase he would put is that he is freeing someone's future. Fire somebody. The phrase he would put is that he is freeing someone's future and sometimes those people's even nice people's futures need to be freed, all right. So here's my last point. Here's the take home for today.
Speaker 1:It's a simple equation Compassion plus clarity equals courage. You can fire somebody with grace. You can let somebody go with grace. Being nice about the situation doesn't mean being tolerant to long-term misalignment. The most loving thing you can do for that person on your team is to tell the truth with compassion and with clarity. And maybe it sounds a little bit like this, and I know it's alwaysy, but it's essentially I care about you, I love you, but this rule is just not working out. Don't ghost them with silence or drag it out, hoping that something will change, because if things haven't changed, they probably won't All right, this is tough stuff, I know it, and it's easier for me to talk about than for you to live. I totally understand that.
Speaker 1:But what do you do before you fire? What do you do? You need to have some honest conversations and you need to start those conversations early and you need to have them often. You need to try and help. Maybe they're going through something in life. Maybe they're really nice, but they just need a little direction. Maybe you need to try and help. Maybe they're going through something in life. Maybe they're really nice, but they just need a little direction. Maybe you need to offer some clear coaching and timelines and expectations.
Speaker 1:A lot of times we don't do that really well in the church. You're probably going to have to document some specific performance gaps and growth opportunities. And you're going to have to get some counsel from some trusted leaders, not just your yes men, not just people that agree with you on everything, but people maybe even outside your church, that you can and I'm happy to help with this in my work at chemistry counsel from trusted leaders that don't have a dog in your fight, that maybe don't know the person and know how nice they are. Sometimes you just need an outside set of eyes and ears. And don't forget to pray. It's almost without saying. But don't forget to pray. It's really important. But don't use prayer as a delay tactic, because if nothing changes after intentional effort, then the right move may be to release with dignity. You can be kind and courageous. Don't let nice become the idol that blocks your church's mission. That's the bottom line for today.
Speaker 1:I hope this is helpful. Maybe you're working through this with a team member. Maybe you're the team member. That's very nice that you feel like you're on the other end of this and just would like to have a conversation. You can reach out to me anytime.
Speaker 1:Podcast at chemistrystaffing. Podcast at chemistrystaffingcom. All those come directly to me. I try to respond to each and every one as soonly, as quickly, as soon and as quickly as I can. But if there's any way that I can help you or your church kind of work through this and maybe even be a sounding board, that's some of the services that we offer at chemistrystaffinging, just reach out to me. Podcastchemistrystaffing. All right, thanks so much. If you're listening to this or watching this on Friday, which is the day it's released, we will be back here on Monday. I hope you have a fantastic weekend. I can't believe that summer it's going to be the 4th of July before we know it and summer's half gone. I can't believe it. All right, thanks so much. Have a great weekend and we will see you back here on Monday on the Healthy Cheese Staff Podcast.
