The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
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The Healthy Church Staff Podcast
When Church Leaders Want You Gone—But Won’t Say It
Quiet firing is when church staff are gradually pushed out through neglect rather than direct confrontation, leaving them without support, feedback, or meaningful work until they get the message they're no longer wanted. This practice damages both the individual staff member's sense of calling and creates a culture of insecurity among the entire team.
• Signs of quiet firing include lack of feedback, exclusion from key meetings, assignment of only menial tasks
• Changes to job description with responsibilities shifted to others
• Disinvitation from vision-setting conversations
• Leaders often resort to quiet firing due to fear of conflict or personal insecurity
• Ministry makes quiet firing particularly damaging because identity and calling are deeply intertwined
• Creates a form of spiritual gaslighting that affects the soul, not just employment
• Other staff members notice this treatment and begin wondering if they're next
• Healthy leaders address concerns directly and compassionately
• Provide regular feedback and coaching instead of ghosting struggling team members
• Make clear decisions rather than stringing people along
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Well, what if I told you your church might be firing staff without actually ever firing? I mean no pink slips, no conversations, just kind of silence and exclusion and spiritual erosion. It's something that's happening in businesses as well. They're calling it quiet firing and I think it's probably more common in churches than what you might think. And we're going to talk about it right here today on the podcast. My name is Todd Rhodes, I'm one of the co-founders over at chemistrystaffingcom and I'm your host every weekday right here on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Okay, today we're talking about quiet firing. So I think, before we even we probably should just define at least what I feel like quiet firing is. And this is how I would define it Quiet firing is when a staff member is slowly pushed out, not with confrontation, but more with neglect.
Speaker 1:You know they're not necessarily told they're doing poorly, they're just kind of left out. No feedback, no support, no opportunities to thrive, and eventually they get the message that you just don't belong here anymore. And the kicker leadership still gets to say you know they left on their own. Now, why does this happen in churches? Now, I don't think it's always done out of cruelty, although I think it's a very cruel act to do. Sometimes it's just done out of fear. I mean, a lot of leaders avoid conflict and they don't know how to address underperformance or tension. So because they don't know how to address it, they just kind of pull back, they pull away, and sometimes the leader it's the leader himself or herself who's the one who's insecure or intimidated. It could be even an issue of low self-esteem or even some fear of confrontation, and when leaders aren't emotionally healthy, they can very easily silently sabotage others instead of leading them.
Speaker 1:All right. So I want to make this practical for both. You know hiring. You know people that are supervisors. You know if you have a staff that reports to you. I want this to be valuable to you Signs that you might be doing this to a team member. But I also want to make it very practical. So I'm going to look at these signs. Quiet firing might be happening in your church or on your team, and I'm going to do this from the perspective of the employee.
Speaker 1:So if you are a staff member and you feel like you might be quiet, being quietly fired without ever being fired, here are some of the, some of the kind of telltale signs and and you can kind of flip these around. If you're a supervisor, okay. So if there's no feedback or encouragement, if you're being left out of key meetings or decisions, if you're being assigned kind of only menial or just kind of low impact tasks, if your job description has been changed and some of your duties have been kind of only menial or just kind of low impact tasks, if your job description has been changed and some of your duties have been kind of taken away and given to someone else. If you're disinvited from vision setting conversations, maybe there's just a lack of investment that there used to be in your personal development. Now, those are just some of the signs. You don't need all these signs at once. Just maybe one or two is enough to kind of drain. And if you're a staff member and you've ever been through this I have so I can tell you this is true Even one or two of these signs at once is enough to just kind of drain your sense of calling. So that's what it is. That's kind of some of the signs.
Speaker 1:So why is this so damaging in the church? Well, it's because ministry you know we've talked about this a lot here on the podcast Ministry is a little bit different In ministry, identity and calling. They're like deeply intertwined, they're connected, right. So quiet firing doesn't just affect somebody's job, it hits their soul. It's almost like a kind of spiritual gaslighting, if I could put it that way. You know, you're essentially saying hey, yeah, sure, yeah, you're still on the team, you know technically, but we don't really want you here. No, we don't say that, but that's what we're communicating and, honestly, I know that there's been some people that just have led this way. It's a horrible way to lead to say, you know, I don't really want to fire them, but if they leave, you know, I'm not going to be heartbroken, anything, I can kind of move them down that road. That's just not a great way to leave. It creates insecurity, not just for the person that you're trying to move out the door, but everybody else on staff too. They see it and they start wondering you know, am I next? They're asking that they watch how you treat other people, and if you treat another staff person badly, they've got your number okay.
Speaker 1:So what should healthy leaders do instead? Well, it's just kind of take it and flip it on its head right. You address concerns directly, you do it compassionately, you have those hard conversations. You give regular feedback, even when it's hard. You're gonna to coach those struggling team members and staff instead of ghosting them. You're going to really lean in and you're going to ask yourself have I really done everything I can to help them succeed? And then, honestly, if they're not going to succeed, if you've done everything, you can.
Speaker 1:Don't string them long. If there's a decision that needs to be made, make the decision and don't string them long. If there's a decision that needs to be made, make the decision, have the conversation and move on. It allows you and the church to move on. It allows the employee and the staff member to move on, but don't push them out.
Speaker 1:You need to be a good leader and you need to follow through with leading people well, because leadership means shepherding people. That's it. Because leadership means shepherding people. That's it. You've got to shepherd people. And you've got to shepherd people even, especially when it's uncomfortable Quiet firing.
Speaker 1:Here's the bottom line for today. If you take one thing away Quiet firing is cowardly leadership in disguise. And the church should be a place of clarity and grace and truth. It should not be a place of silent exile. If this hit a little close to home, take a minute to reflect. Are you avoiding a hard conversation or, worse, are you slowly pushing someone out, even without realizing it?
Speaker 1:We're all about building healthier teams on your staff and if there's any way that I can help you or your team or your church, either in staffing or in areas like this where you're building healthy teams maybe you're trying to decide whether somebody should or shouldn't be on your team, I'm your guy. I'd love to be able to talk with you and see if there's a way we can partner together to kind of support you through whatever programs or decisions you need to make. You can reach out to me anytime. Podcast at chemistrystaffingcom. I'm here to help when you need us right, so go ahead and reach out anytime. Podcast at chemistrystaffingcom. Thanks for joining me today on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. Hope you'll join me again tomorrow right here, same bat time. You got it. Same bat time.
