The Elder Board Relationship: Building Trust with Elders Who Don't Understand Your Ministry

This podcast episode discusses the complexities of managing relationships between church staff and governing boards, focusing on bridging the gap in understanding to achieve healthier collaboration. The host emphasizes the importance of translating ministry needs into relatable outcomes for board members, advocating for a partnership approach rather than viewing boards as gatekeepers.• Challenges in maintaining a healthy relationship with church boards.• Importance of understanding the perspective of board members.• Common misunderstandings about ministry needs and board decisions.• Strategies for effectively communicating ministry goals, such as starting with 'why'.• Recommendations for building partnerships between church staff and boards.• Encouraging board members to engage directly with ministry activities.• Using relatable language and outcomes to explain ministry needs.• The goal is to create partners, not gatekeepers in the board-staff relationship.

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Transcript

Why Boards Ask Odd Questions

Stop Jargon And Stop Defensiveness

Build Bridges Starting With Why

Make Partners Not Gatekeepers

Practical Challenge And How To Reach Us

SPEAKER_00 0:08

Alright, this week on the podcast we've been talking about board, elder boards, church boards, governing boards, whatever it is in your church. And we're just pulling back all the layers of the onion and talking about how to get along, how to make sure that your board is healthy and that your team is healthy, that you have a good relationship with your board, that your board has a good relationship with you. And sometimes this is difficult, alright? And sometimes you're sitting in a board meeting and you're trying to explain, for example, what you need and why you need money in the budget for the youth retreat. And inevitably you're gonna have an elder or a board member who's never worked with teens and is just asking some something really off the wall. I don't know why I won't do my I will do my old man voice because I'm old. And this is what sounds gonna sound like in another five years. Okay. You've got the older elder in there that's never worked with teens, and he's asking, I can't the kids just meet in the sanctuary. Like back in my day, that's what we did. And you know what? Back in my day, we actually did meet in the sanctuary, so go ahead, go figure. But maybe another board questions your children's ministry curriculum because it just looks like the kids are just playing. I walked past last week, it looked like the kids were playing. Maybe you've got another board member that just they're still ticked about the worship. They're still like, why do we have to use a screen? Why can't we just use the hemnol? Nobody sings harmony, nobody sings harmony anymore. Okay, I'm done. I promise with my old man Todd voice. But you feel like you're leaving, you you just leave the meeting feeling like you're speaking some kind of foreign language to people. And the frustrating thing is, these are the people that hold your ministry's future in their hands, and you're just like, oh my goodness, they don't get it. Is this not familiar? That's what we're talking about today on the Healthy Church Staff Podcast. And we can joke and we can laugh about it, but this is really serious business. When there seems to be this reality gap between how we would like to do the ministry and how the people on our governing board, our elder board, our church board seem to think that we should be doing the ministry. It's a real reality gap at times, and we'll just call it elder boards. Maybe you don't have enough, maybe you've got a church, but let's just call it elder boards today. Most elder boards are filled with really well-meaning people, but they're filled with really well-meaning people who've never done ministry before, at least at a paid level, or they've never done your specific ministry. They're made up of business executives, maybe, for example, that's never planned a middle school lock-in, or maybe a retired teacher that has all kinds of experience with kids, but they have no understanding of modern worship technology. Maybe it's a successful entrepreneur who's started five businesses, but they have no idea what goes into children's ministry safety protocols. And this is where it gets tricky because you need for your governing team to understand all of that because they need to make decisions on children's ministry and worship ministry and youth ministry. So, what happens usually rather than trying to help them understand what they need to know to make really good decisions? A lot of times what we do with staff people, I've done this in the past, is we just start talking faster and using a little bit more ministry jargon, we can't talk down to them. And then we get defensive about how we're doing things, how our methods work. We get defensive about how much it costs to do ministry because crying out loud, we're the ones doing it. We know how much it costs, and now you're just you're coming in, you don't have any experience, you tell us we're spending too much money. You assume that they should trust your ex expertise. Or worse, you even start dumbing things down like they're children, and the board feels shut out of something that they're supposed to actually be in charge of to help you govern. They you feel macro micromanaged by people who you feel just don't get it. Now, listen, they're not trying to undermine you. They're really not sometimes they are, but usually there's always that one guy, right? Or that one gal. But usually they're not trying to undermine you. They're trying, they're on the same page. We've talked about this earlier this week. They're on the same page. They want to see success in the church, just like you do. What they're trying to do is to be faithful stewards of something that they don't really fully understand. And that's why I think we need to be built bridge builders. Need to take a bridge building approach when you're talking board members, and particularly about ministry things that they don't know anything about. I'm amazed we work in church staffing. That's my day job, and chemistry staffing is the is the organization that I work with and that I help found, and they're the ones that sponsor this podcast every day. But in our work at chemistry staffing, we do a really rigid onboarding process. And a lot of a lot of that onboarding process is finding out what a church, what a church's DNA is, and we ask a ton of questions, and a lot of times church boards, elder boards, church boards will get together and they'll go through, let's say, the theological questions. And you know what? I'm amazed at how many, because they're not living in the theological world. They've been church members for 50 years, but they've never taken a theology class, they've never sat in a seminary class, and they don't enjoy sitting around and debating pre-tib, pre-trib, post-trib, a millennial theology. I'm amazed at how many of them don't know a lot of theological terms, and that's our world. We're used to it. And this isn't just about theology, it's about it's about children's ministry and worship ministry. We know because we've done it at the staff level what that looks like, but they don't. So we need to start building some bridges. And the way that you do that really is one of the one of the ways to do it, I think the easiest way to do it is start with the why. Start with the why before the what. Don't say, hey, we need$3,000 for a retreat. Okay. We talked yesterday about the there's always going to be the financial guy or gal, right? That you say$3,000 and they don't care what it's for, you ain't getting the$3,000. Okay. But start with the why. Instead of say, hey, we need$3,000 for a retreat. Say something like this. Here, hey, let me tell you, this is what happens when teenagers get away from distractions and they connect with God. Translate your ministry into outcomes that they can measure regardless of their experience. Instead of saying, hey, we need new worship software, say this will help us create moments where God actually, where people are actually able to encounter God better. Connect your methods to the reasons why, to the reasons that your board is going to carry up, care about. Let the worship elder sit in on a rehearsal. Right? Have the business guy observe your children's check-in process. Ask that retired teacher to help with the VBS planning. They don't need to do your job, but they need to be able to see it. Because that's going to help them to translate exactly what you're asking for. So before every board meeting, ask yourself, how would I explain this to my dad? Use their language, not yours. If they speak business, talk ROI and metrics. If they think in relationships, we talked about this yesterday, focus on life change stories. If they're practical, show them concrete next steps. If they're financial, give them reasons why this makes sense financially. This isn't as much about getting approval for everything as you want. That's really not what it's all about. It's about creating partners instead of gatekeepers. Let me repeat that. The whole process, your whole relationship between yourself as a staff member, as a senior pastor, a solo pastor, whatever, an executive pastor, whatever, your role is more with the board, is about creating partners. Uh, because if you don't create partners, you're going to instead get gatekeepers. When elders understand your ministry, they can become advocates, not obstacles. So here's your bottom line for today. Your job is not to get your elders or your board to understand your ministry, it's to help them see how your ministry accomplishes the mission that they're all on the same side as you are. They're all passionate about seeing lives changed, at least I hope they are, about seeing how Jesus impacts lives. That's where it's all about. So make that your priority. This week, pick one ministry decision you need some board input on. And before you present it, I want you to write out your explanation in language that some someone outside of that ministry area would understand. Focus on the outcome, not the process. Building these bridges is going to take time, but it's worth it. And when you have elders and people on your church board who truly understand and champion your ministry, it's going to change everything. So keep building those relationships. All right, that's it for today. We're going to close out our series on elders and church boards tomorrow. And tomorrow we're going to talk about how to present your ministry needs without begging. You ever feel like you have to beg and plead for everything? We're going to talk about that tomorrow. I hope you'll join me. In the meantime, reach out to me. I'd love to hear from you. If there's any way I can help your church, any way that my team at church at chemistry staffing can help your church, you can reach out to me. My website URL is todd.church. All right, thanks so much. We'll talk to you again tomorrow. Have a great day.